The Ultimate Bra Guide

Kudos to InStyle magazine's June 2011 issue.  When this shiny new magazine showed up in my mailbox (one of the perks of my job) my eye caught the cover heading "Ultimate Bra Guide: Wonder of Wonders! Miracle of Miracles!"  Now, I have never been an avid bra-wearer despite being a somewhat full-breasted girl (okay, woman).  I have much preferred tank tops with shelf bras or wireless bra-lets under my shirts.  I've always had an issue with the way a bra fits and many years ago I swore off underwire (it must have been a male invention).  When I became pregnant it was back to the bras - I had no other choice.  I needed support and coverage for my eager-to-breastfeed body.  After W was born - same story.  You can't keep a nursing pad in place without something to put it in.  Of course, with the wild engorgement I experienced my chest was rock solid so the need for support was moot. Still, all the 'experts' recommended wearing a bra and so I did.  A few days after my milk came in I developed nasty double mastitis.  Luckily, I caught it early and was able to treat it. I blame the bra and I know that next time I will be bra-free the first few weeks even if it means changing my shirt every hour.

Back to topic. Even though I may not be a big wearer of bras, I'm always interested to look at the new features to see if something (without under wire) catches my eye.  I was not expecting, but was pleasantly surprised to see two (yes, not one but two!) nursing bras featured in the 5 page spread. Estimates say that anywhere from 1 to 3% of women in the U.S. are pregnant at any given time.  Keeping in mind that only 50% of babies are still being breastfed at 6 months and I would estimate that only 0.5 to 2% of the female population is breastfeeding at any given time (I could not find data to support this).  So having 2 out of 32 bras (6.25%) being nursing bras is an outstanding representation.

Now, if only we could get 6.25% of the female population to be nursing.  Help me with the math... I think the only way to hit that figure would be for 75-100% of all women who give birth to be nursing to approximately 2.5 years - sounds like a good target to me!

Baby Center Update

Dear Baby Center,

I was pleased to see your update in my inbox today.  Two topics especially caught my eye.

1) Everything you need to know about baby poop.  Only as a mother can you not shy away from 10 different photos of dirty diapers.  Your information was accurate and well presented. I only have two comments. First, it looked as though you may have thrown in a cloth diaper photo, but the image was cropped too closely to tell (enough said).  Second, you mentioned that your baby can have solid pieces of food in their poop or constipation when they are first introduced to solid foods. You give several explainations for why this happens, but you do not list early introduction of solids as one. I personally did not begin solids with W until he was closer to 7 months and even at 11 months he does not take in the quantity of solids most babies his age do.  And yet, even with small quantities of food going in, the food was still coming out mostly undigested until about a month ago.  I took that as a sign, not that he was swallowing without chewing or eating too fast as you suggest, but that his body was not yet ready to process solid foods.  Now that his system is mature enough to process solids he no longer has pieces of food in his poop and is overall less gassy. My lesson? With baby number 2 I will not introduce solids until my baby has at least one tooth (W did not get his first until after 8 months) and I will again follow a slow introduction allowing the intestines plenty of time to develop.

2) Fewer behavioral problems for breastfed babies.  Although I would be interested to know if this study evaluate babies who were breastfed longer than "...at least 4 months..." I was overall happy with the presentation of the article. I will be looking up the research myself to read it in more detail.  I would have to agree with the potential causes of fewer behavioral problems: the presence of certain fat and amino chains in breast milk and greater mother-baby bonding.  I also appreciated the small comment on mothers who choose to breastfeed being supported (although you did not say supported by whom).    Congrats, Baby Center - sometimes it is clear that you are trying to fight against the reign of the massive formula companies.

Attachment Parenting

Since before W was born I have hesitated to label my parenting style.  That is unless I were to label it as 'instinctive'.  One reason we love W's pediatrician stems from one of his interview comments: "If you follow your instincts you will do the right thing 95% of the time. I'm here for the 5% when you don't know what to do or you don't trust your instincts."  Being a mother has been blessedly easy for me.  No, being up all night (and day) with a newborn is not easy.  Changing to a vegan lifestyle because your three week old has a cow's milk sensitivity and you are already a vegetarian isn't easy.  Having a baby who prefers to be held in an upright position while sleeping with full body contact, thank you! doesn't make it easy to get anything else accomplished.  But, overall, I still consider being a Mom easy.  And instinctive. 

As W got older and we spent more time with friends who were also parents of young children I was understandably surprised when the other parents' instincts did not necessarily mirror my own. Not that their parenting style is wrong. On the contrary, their style is mainstream - it is mine that is unusual. After several months of frustration, exacerbated by the other Supermom living too far away for me to socialize with on a regular basis, I decided that I needed to find like minded Mommies and Daddies for W to be around.  He needs to know as he grows up that we aren't different from everyone in the way that we are raising him.  Just different from some people. 

Fast forward several more weeks to today.  I researched and joined a local Attachment Parenting (AP) group.  I'm unable to make it to the 'meetings' which is ok with me because, as I mentioned, I'm not an 'Attached Parent'. I'm a parent who happens to follow some of the AP principles. But I will not be ruled by these principles any more than I am ruled by mainstream parenting principles. 

Still, I would have to say that today was a resounding success.  I was dismayed at first to see 3 shiny vehicles pull up and 3 shiny Moms pull out their shiny strollers.  But they turned out to be headed to a different play place at the park than I.  It was refreshing when I found the right spot to see babies in Ergo carriers and Mommies interacting with their kids on the playground rather than standing and chatting with the other caregivers. Yes, some standing and chatting occurred, but an effort was made to include the children in all aspects of the play date. On second thought, perhaps it was effortless and natural to include the kids. The group leader recognized me immediately by my sling and smiling baby and I knew I had found a home when in the middle of introducing herself to me and giving me some information about the group she (without leaving the playground or even pausing mid-sentence) lifted her shirt and proceeded to breastfeed her young daughter who I later found out is closer to 3 than 2 years old. 

I am not about to sever the ties of my current relationships.  I enjoy sharing my unique parenting ideas with my mainstream friends.  But I will enjoy, a few hours every Thursday morning, spending time with Mommies, Daddies, babies and children, fully attached.

Re: Your 4-month-old: Week 3

Dear babycenter,

You've done well in not giving me much fodder for the blog the past few weeks, but this week... In the words of SuperBrother, "you fail epically." 

First, the leading three articles in my email include a reference to bottle feeding or formula, but no breastfeeding reference.  In fact, there's not a single mention of breastfeeding in my whole email.  Am I, as an exclusively breastfeeding mother, to be alienated so soon?  Of course, I suppose less than half your readers who initiated breastfeeding are still doing so.  But maybe if we could start to associate an infant with the breast instead of a bottle, we could help encourage women to continue breastfeeding.  I know you want to be inclusive, but as a publication that presents itself as a source of information for new mothers, you have an obligation to encourage mothers to do what is best for their babies.  And research undoubtedly shows that breast is best, hands down.

In your article How Your Baby's Growing, you say, "Even though crying is still your baby's strongest form of communication..."  WAIT.  What?  Really?  If that's true, then my baby only communicates a few times a day, and often none at all.  (Yes, he often goes a whole day without crying.)  My baby's strongest form of communication is body language, thank you.  Crying is not an infant's go-to communication method.  It's just that parents are often not tuned in to infants' subtle signs, and baby has to resort to crying.  And by giving false information like your aforementioned statement, you are only furthering the communication gap between babies and their parents.
 

A few notes on the past few weeks... 

In 4 month, week 2, you recommended I get my partner involved in baby care.  Seriously?  My partner's been involved since day one.  Actually, he was massaging and talking to our baby during the pregnancy, making sure I had good nutrition and plenty of rest.  I'd say he's been there since the first day one.  Maybe I'm different than most mothers.  Even though E is with me about 21 hours a day, I don't feel anxious when I leave for work in the morning and my two guys stay home together.  I feel confident in daddy's ability to care for E.  If I hadn't had a supportive and involved partner up to this point, I'm not sure we would have made it to this point.  I feel very sad for mothers who are just now going to take babycenter's advice and "get their partner involved."

The week before that, you had several quick clicks concerning solid foods.  I know we talked about this in month 3, week 4, but I'll say it again.  Leading medical organizations currently recommend breastfeeding exclusively until six months of age.  Quit talking about solids. 

And finally, a quick sister-to-sister...

Last Mothers' Day, we were just discovering this whole new way of relating to each other.  We'd been in different stages all our lives and rarely able to connect in the way we could when we both became expectant mothers.  Hardly seems possible that it's been a year, does it?  That our relationship is now so changed; our definition of each other, and of sisterhood, has taken been radically altered.  We see eye to eye so very much now, it makes all those years of opposing teen angst seem like a lifetime ago.  I'm so happy to be sharing mamahood with you, and so proud of the mommy you've become.

I thought I was done, but here's "Doctor Moms Tell All."

Q: Can you spoil a baby?

A: Thank you so much, doctor moms, for being spot-on this time!  Babies have needs.  Sometimes they need food or a clean diaper.  Sometimes they need cuddles.  That's still a valid need.  Thanks for encouraging readers to respond quickly and consistently to their babies.  Children who learn that their caregivers are reliable and loving grow up to be reliable and loving adults. 

People often comment that they never hear E cry.  We always respond, "He has very little reason to cry."  We meet his needs before they become unbearably urgent to him.  He has faith in us, so he doesn't have to cry.  He simply has to remind us that it's time to eat, or sleep, or play, or give hugs.  

on poop

I'm amazed by the cavalier attitude some moms have to their child's constipation. Constipation is not a normal state it indicates a problem in the diet that needs to be addressed.

Yet another example:

post
Hi all, how many poopy diapers are normal for a 13 month old? I have twins that are often going 4-5 times a day, is this nomal?

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L is a healthy pooper too...that is when he isn't constipated...lol I would say he usually goes at least 3x a day. I would also bring it up with your ped to see if its a concern...but Im thinking not!! I cant believe those girls are 13 months already!!! :)

Lactavist and Supermom Rebecca
"...that is when he isn't constipated..."?  How often is your toddler constipated?  What are you feeding him (or not feeding him) to make him that way.  We have encountered 'constipation' twice in 10 months.  The first time was just a normal bowel frequency change, it wasn't actually constipation. We were understandably concerned when W stopped moving his bowels 4-5 times a day and abruptly switched to 4-5 times a week. The second (and only close example) occurred when DS had a sinus infection and was slightly dehydrated and on medication.  Even that was just harder stool than what we normally saw - he wasn't truly 'constipated' in the sense that he skipped a movement.

A few tips?

Decrease the frequency of constipation by:
a) delaying solids until your baby has at least 1 tooth and is 6 months old
b) breastfeed - exclusively - until your baby begins solids
c) continue to breastfeed until your child is able to wean naturally. Breast milk is high in water content and has natural laxative properties (btw it also combats all of the leading causes of diarrhea)
d) offering water before laxatives.  Water and fiber are proven ways to combat constipation. Why not try a natural dietary remedy before a medical laxative.


On a side note: In case you were wondering it is perfectly normal and acceptable to discuss your child's bathroom habits with other supermoms.

On a discussion board post

I've been trying to make an effort not to judge others' parenting styles.  I had to restrain myself on this one.  In particular I believe that this shows the gaping opportunity for education among new and experienced mothers as well as the need for reform among current 'health care' practices.

My 6 month old is suffering with hard stools ... Thankfully he is passing them but they are hard and round and he is so uncomfy at times. (waking every hour or so thru the night and sleeping on his side with his knees to his tummy) He also really gassy. He is on Soy formula and has started solids ... rice pablum, whole grain rice pablum, apple sauce, pears, carrots, beans, sweet potatoes and prunes.... we are getting close to introducing meats. Doc suggested giving him lax a day ... ie ... PEG powder. (I am allergic to it and it makes me really uncomfy) We switched to soy when my son developed diarreah when he was on milk formula. I was thinking of putting him back on the milk? Any ideas? Suggestions?

Lactavist and SuperMom Rebecca: First, if your child had severe diarrhea on cow's milk formula they are lactose intolerant.  Re-introducing this type of formula to counteract constipation is ludicrous. Second, constipation is not just something that 'happens'  there is a root cause that can be addressed.  I am appalled that the doctor did not first suggest reducing or eliminating the solids in the baby's diet before resorting to a laxative.

The Breast is half-full

Always the optimist and 'look on the bright side' sort, I had to share this news from a woman who struggled to bf her first child and has had an emotional first week with twin boys.

When I first started .... I would nurse the twins ad then pump AND hand express about 2ml if I was lucky. Its been increasing lil by lil and now, EACH time I nurse,
B gets one side for 12 to 20 mins
W gets another side fo 12 to 20 mins
Then, JUST FROM PUMPING I get 14 or more ml of milk. EACH TIME!

You go girl!