A Sisterhood.

Very few things warm my heart quite like seeing a mama nurse her baby.  I am filled with joy when I see a woman who is comfortable nursing her child in public, and I find it hard not to run up and give the pair a hug.  Then I think about how I would react if a strange woman ran up to me while I was feeding E, and I usually settle for a knowing (and friendly) smile.

I love when I get these smiles while I'm nursing.  Today E was snuggled down in his ring sling, nursing happily (and noisily, as usual), as we perused the farmers' market.  A woman peered over her table and commented, "That's how I fed my babies - wherever they were hungry.  Good for you!"  We proceeded to have a short conversation, finding out we had the same midwife, and E made a new friend in her when he came up for air.

Nursing creates a sisterhood the way mothering does not.  Women who nurse their babies are different, but similar.  I feel an instant kinship when I find out a woman has held her baby to her breast, and I delight in hearing women (especially when their children are grown) speak fondly of their nursing relationships.  This simple act seems to bind women of all ages and experiences together in a way few other things can.

Yesterday I was treated to my favorite brand of "nursing fan," the toddler who remembers being at the breast.    As I was sitting in a corner nursing E during W's birthday party, a curious little pair of eyes found us, peeked in a few times, then came straight up to fully appreciate the situation.  This lovely little lady fondly remembers the beautiful gift her mommy gave her, and seemed to savor seeing another child experiencing the same gift.  It is always a heartwarming moment when a child can identify and bond with another child over something so simple as a meal, and it's a bittersweet moment when I realize that not every child gets this gift.  I'm so happy I've made the commitment to give E the best and longest lasting gift I can - health from my milk, comfort and security from being cuddled at my breast, and the fond memory of not being ashamed to feed my child as long as he needs.

Re: Your 4-month-old: Week 3

Dear babycenter,

You've done well in not giving me much fodder for the blog the past few weeks, but this week... In the words of SuperBrother, "you fail epically." 

First, the leading three articles in my email include a reference to bottle feeding or formula, but no breastfeeding reference.  In fact, there's not a single mention of breastfeeding in my whole email.  Am I, as an exclusively breastfeeding mother, to be alienated so soon?  Of course, I suppose less than half your readers who initiated breastfeeding are still doing so.  But maybe if we could start to associate an infant with the breast instead of a bottle, we could help encourage women to continue breastfeeding.  I know you want to be inclusive, but as a publication that presents itself as a source of information for new mothers, you have an obligation to encourage mothers to do what is best for their babies.  And research undoubtedly shows that breast is best, hands down.

In your article How Your Baby's Growing, you say, "Even though crying is still your baby's strongest form of communication..."  WAIT.  What?  Really?  If that's true, then my baby only communicates a few times a day, and often none at all.  (Yes, he often goes a whole day without crying.)  My baby's strongest form of communication is body language, thank you.  Crying is not an infant's go-to communication method.  It's just that parents are often not tuned in to infants' subtle signs, and baby has to resort to crying.  And by giving false information like your aforementioned statement, you are only furthering the communication gap between babies and their parents.
 

A few notes on the past few weeks... 

In 4 month, week 2, you recommended I get my partner involved in baby care.  Seriously?  My partner's been involved since day one.  Actually, he was massaging and talking to our baby during the pregnancy, making sure I had good nutrition and plenty of rest.  I'd say he's been there since the first day one.  Maybe I'm different than most mothers.  Even though E is with me about 21 hours a day, I don't feel anxious when I leave for work in the morning and my two guys stay home together.  I feel confident in daddy's ability to care for E.  If I hadn't had a supportive and involved partner up to this point, I'm not sure we would have made it to this point.  I feel very sad for mothers who are just now going to take babycenter's advice and "get their partner involved."

The week before that, you had several quick clicks concerning solid foods.  I know we talked about this in month 3, week 4, but I'll say it again.  Leading medical organizations currently recommend breastfeeding exclusively until six months of age.  Quit talking about solids. 

And finally, a quick sister-to-sister...

Last Mothers' Day, we were just discovering this whole new way of relating to each other.  We'd been in different stages all our lives and rarely able to connect in the way we could when we both became expectant mothers.  Hardly seems possible that it's been a year, does it?  That our relationship is now so changed; our definition of each other, and of sisterhood, has taken been radically altered.  We see eye to eye so very much now, it makes all those years of opposing teen angst seem like a lifetime ago.  I'm so happy to be sharing mamahood with you, and so proud of the mommy you've become.

I thought I was done, but here's "Doctor Moms Tell All."

Q: Can you spoil a baby?

A: Thank you so much, doctor moms, for being spot-on this time!  Babies have needs.  Sometimes they need food or a clean diaper.  Sometimes they need cuddles.  That's still a valid need.  Thanks for encouraging readers to respond quickly and consistently to their babies.  Children who learn that their caregivers are reliable and loving grow up to be reliable and loving adults. 

People often comment that they never hear E cry.  We always respond, "He has very little reason to cry."  We meet his needs before they become unbearably urgent to him.  He has faith in us, so he doesn't have to cry.  He simply has to remind us that it's time to eat, or sleep, or play, or give hugs.  

Breastfeeding is Best - And Here Are Your Prizes!

In the past ten to fifteen years, obstetricians have encouraged women to "try breastfeeding."  Pediatricians have told women that "breastfeeding to six weeks is healthiest."  However, the AAP recommends exclusive breastfeeding to six months, continuing until one year of age, and as long as mutually desired after that.  The World Health Organization recommends exclusive breastfeeding until six months, continuing with "appropriate complementary foods up to two years or beyond." 

Why, then, are so many women never breastfeeding?  Why are we being told to offer our babies cereal and pureed foods at 4 months when the leading infant health organizations are recommending otherwise?  Why are we being let to believe that as long as we breastfeed for six weeks, we've done the most important part?
  

The Supermoms (and super-lactivists) have decided a reward system is in order. 

Breastfeed when baby is born?      Smiley face sticker

Until six weeks?                              Silver star sticker

To three months?                            Gold star sticker

To six months?                                Free ice cream at lunch

To nine months?                              Ice cream for a week!!

To one year?                                    Free pizza each week (on Friday. Square pizza with corn, of course)

Let your baby lead weaning?          You get a state of the art, lights up when it rings, super rad, hot pink and neon green phone!

                                                           

A Conversation About Oversupply.

K:

The Australian Breastfeeding Association has a booklet called "Too Much" that talks about oversupply issues. Imagine if we in America starting giving women the idea that they could possibly produce too much milk, instead of constantly telling them they won't produce enough??

R:

Well… I know that problem first hand. I had classic over-supply and overactive MER. What really boggles my mind is that you always hear about women who 'couldn't do it' or couldn't make enough milk, etc... but women don't shout out, "Breastfeeding was easy for me!" because they don't want to make the women who couldn't cut it feel bad – so a lot of people are only hearing the negatives.

K:

I completely understand what you are saying about women saying breastfeeding is easy – I feel bad when people ask "how it's going," and I can only say, "It's the easiest and most natural thing I've ever done." And when my friends ask about your breastfeeding, and I tell them you are still going strong, they are just like, "Wow. She can produce enough to satisfy your nephew? " And now, people are starting to tell me that I won't be able to keep up with E's appetite because he's so big. I've always been frustrated by how we (American society) constantly tell women their bodies aren't good enough, but now I get super angry by it. Don't tell me I won't be able to feed my child. Of course I will.. He's my guy and my body knows him and his appetite and we are perfect together.

R:

I have always been upset by women who aren't tall enough, skinny enough, etc. etc. and now this also.

But, yes, I can produce not just enough milk to satisfy my 24 lb chubber, I have enough left over for the freezer. Did I tell you about the woman who said, "Are you still nursing him? He's so big, he's going to just wear you away." No, actually, I do just fine, thank you! Yes, I eat everything in sight and yes, I'm about the size that I was in high school but I'm not unhealthy and my body has responded perfectly to him (and clearly he is thriving). It's like telling a pregnant woman to 'be careful, you may not be able to grow that baby' – seriously? We are well-designed.

Don't feel bad about telling people things are going well for you – or for me. I would love for people to know that I'm still breastfeeding at 9 months and have no plans of stopping.